Chase CEO Dimon to get big bonus

JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon is getting a $12 million bonus, in case anyone was wondering where their overdraft fees from carefully managed overdraft generating deposit ordering is going.

Chases limted time bonus offers aren’t really limited

Does putting an expiration date on an offer that never expires really lure people in?  Once again Chase is running an offer of $100 to open a checking account, which expires on 10/31/10.  The thing is, Chase, and Washington Mutual before it, have been running this offer as long as anyone can remember.

Don’t be in a rush, this offer will be around for a while.

Higher bonus for business checking too

A few days ago we reported that Chase has increased its bonus for opening a personal checking account to $150, and theorized that perhaps they needed to do so to get new customers because of too many defections.  Well, now they have apparently increased their bonus for opening a business checking account too, to $200.

Higher new checking bonus

Chase has upped its bonus for opening a checking account from $100 to $150. Why would they do this? Are they losing too many customers?

Student bonus

How stupid does Chase thinks students are? They offer anyone a $100 bonus for signing up for a checkign accounts but have a new deal for students that only gives them $25?

Chase’s mistake gives customer the run-around

A reader sent us this story, which has to be one of the most blatant examples of Chase having no clue what they are doing.

Chase is merely a group of putrid thieves. I’ll explain what happened at this ridiculous bank.. i want more people to know about what a sad deal they have going on there.

I didn’t know a single thing about chase last week. I saw a coupon for a bonus of 150 dollars for opening an account with them. I’m pretty young, just got my first job, knew i wanted to open up my first checking account.. so i did a tiny bit of research on them.. they seemed somewhat legitamite as a company.. not just one of those archaic internet scams with no information and no physical locations. But they still were a scam..

I open my account online, give my opening deposit, check the verifications for the deposits and every thing is seemingly dandy. This is about the 2nd day of dealing with chase.. what I expected so far.

So my account opens up that day after doing the verifications. They even text me and tell me how great it is that i will recieve text updates about my account. I think. oh.. they can’t be too shady.

Log on next morning to check on my account.. it says.. invalid. Please call this number. They gave their standard service number. I thought.. oh great. here we go.

I call the number.. ask them a seemingly extremely perplex question of.. “what’s the problem here? I am wondering why my account is invalid. I have not deposited nor taken any money from it. All I did was open my account 2 days ago.”

They reply.. “we’re sorry, we can not reveal this information to you. Please go to a chase branch near you and talk to a personal banker.”

Ugh.. that’s fine.. i’ll just go up there and they can verify it, hopefully quickly, but i doubt it. They didn’t tell me any thing about what it would require on the phone. they merely said.. “go to a branch, we won’t be revealing any thing to you”.

I prefer being safe than sorry, so I actually brought my original birth certificate from when I was born, my drivers license, and my social security card.. just to be sure I could have every thing they could possibly imagine to bother me with, to save me some trouble.

But oh.. guess what. That’s not enough. These bankers start saying that my state issued birth certificate from when i was born.. with all the seals and every thing.. and drivers license.. and social security card aren’t enough. I need some “letter of social security” to open a bank account. All that was not enough. Not once would they ever explain why. “We cannot reveal that information to our customers.”

I figure this is ridiculous, and my mom says it’s ridiculous. But.. I want to give them a chance, even though I offered them all that, i want to give them one more chance. I call the social security office.. even THEY told me “A what? a letter of social security? do you have your social security card? well that’s all you need. it has all the print needed to be verified. I’ve worked here for 20 years and i’ve never heard of a letter for it.”

Well that’s refreshing.. so i call and call until finally some one says “I’ve never heard of this either but if a letter is what you want i can write you a letter that says that number belongs to you.”

After hours and hours of waiting in line at the social security place, I finally get my letter for great ole chase bank that has me on a wild goose chase for they won’t even explain why. The lady even wrote on the letter.. if you have any more possible doubts about the identity of this person.. you can come to our office or give us a call and talk to us about it.

I go to another chase branch. I figure.. great.. what else are they going to try. Do I have to bring every one i’ve ever met in my entire existence to say “yeah, that’s him”. Or do I not exist. Seriously.

I go up there with the letter and every thing. They make their calls to their main office as usual.. and then they go and say.. we’re not going to be accepting this. It doesn’t have all the stamps we want on it. All the stamps? I tell them.. I need information about what you’re talking about and I need it now. No one I know has ever heard about doing all this to open up a simple, standard account.

Then they say one of their workers might have typed in the wrong social security number in their system, and some one has been banking under my social security number.

So I respond to them.. That’s great. Well what do they have to prove their identity? I’ve got all this to prove I am who I say I am.. what do they have?

“Well, we can’t reveal that information to you.” Seriously.. you guys don’t even know what you’re saying now. You’ve got me jumping through all these hoops for nothing. How about this.. how do I know this is chase bank? How do i know this doesn’t just look like chase bank and have all these forged documents on the walls? I want undeniable proof. I gave them so many chances, and after all this, I’m done with them.

And as for the opening deposit money.. they said they have frozen the account and will not transfer or provide any of my own money back to me until “I clear this up”. Clear what up?! It’s a problem with your system. You can go down to whatever offices you think you need to, you can pick you a number, and you can wait in line to get what you need to fix the problem in your system. I’m not the information system manager for chase bank, I don’t need to be traveling the globe to compensate for your problems.

To lock the account and not provide my own money back too is just thievery. That’s a great scam isn’t it? Snatch peoples money right out of their hands, put it in an account, freeze the account, and tell them they’ll never get it until they prove who they are and nothing is sufficient to prove who they are. I can’t even drive by that place any more, it disgusts me.

JPMorgan Chase cuts employee raises & benefits

From a reader:

JPMorgan’s Treasure & Security Services division announced a 2012 raise suspension for all employees. There’s also discussion of bonuses being diminished or eliminated as well. This news arrives on the heels of the ill-received 2012 Healthcare Plan overhaul which has the potential for a significant financial impact on employees and their families, in the event of an illness or visits to other than Primary Care Physicians.

Is Chase getting desperate for depositors?

We’ve previously reported on our theory that Chase is loosing depositors by the droves.  A recent mailer they have been sending out might indicate that the outflow has reached a crisis and Chase is getting desperate to attract more low cost capital (the thing that fuels their other businesses).

Chase, and WaMu before it has long offered a $100 (or sometimes $125) bonus for opening up a new account.  Their latest mailer offers a total of $300 for opening a checking and a savings account, quite a bump.